Banned from zoo.
Again?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
