i jhust puked up my retainher.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
