omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize