Do vagina's smell?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
