I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Randomize
