i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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