He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
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