My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
