a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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