1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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