I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
