you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
