YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
