kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
