Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
