I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
