So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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