Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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