Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
