when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
