i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
