why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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