It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
