So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
