i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
