please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
