i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
