if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
