You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
