$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
