We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
