i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
