HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
