I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope mine doesn't look like that
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
