we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
