3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
