..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
