well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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