This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
