He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
