Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
