ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
