I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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