ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
