yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
