i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
