I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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