Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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