hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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