He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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