I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
