Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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