Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
