I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
