i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
