If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
