Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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