my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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