my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
