He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
