i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
