I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
