She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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