So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
