At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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