Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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