I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
