Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
