I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
