Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
