maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
