I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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