we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
