My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
