I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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