i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
