DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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